I knew there was a reason I favorited all these. Awesomeness, that’s the reason. I either agree with these strenuously, or else just find them hilarious.
papernapkin loving this burrito. Whoever invented burritos should be sainted, or get food royalties or something.
loresjoberg There should be a word for the urge to post song lyrics to Twitter.
matthewbaldwin According to this Instant Win Scratch Ticket, a bottle of water is now a “prize”. What kind of crazy Frank Herbert world are we living in?
mrskennedy Me: “Jackson, you need to do your homework.” Jackson: “I can’t hear you, you’re breaking up.” This is funny because HE WASN’T ON A PHONE.
papernapkin Suddenly there came a tapping, as of someone gently rapping, rapping at my door. Twas a peddler of periodicals, and quoth I, nevermore.
loresjoberg “Watching” debates via Twitter is like viewing an eclipse with a pinhole camera: It lacks immediacy, but prevents permanent nerve damage.
finslippy Turns out that if you eat a burrito, you should wait to get on a treadmill for at least forever.
finslippy I would take a grapefruit spoon to my brains right now if I knew I could scoop out the chunk that contained the Scooby-Doo theme song.
MelissaSummers Being a morning person would make me more annoying but would make my life 75% easier.
loresjoberg Seems to me the word “caffeine” should have more double letters in it, if only to replicate its effect. Triple letters, even.
zuhl I asked the 14 yr old why he’s taking Ballroom Dance instead of normal P.E. “It’s better. It’s fun. And… chicks.” He may be an evil genius.
czdesign It’s funny how hormones can make you feel like finding an giant, lidded box in your basement in which you can spend the next several hours.
HalfPintIngalls I know my doll isn’t really a doll, just a corn cob wrapped in a handkerchief. So why won’t it STOP STARING AT ME?
youngamerican How long can I live on Cheez-its alone? On day four, having some really powerful experiences. The Cheez Coyote is very wise.
echuckles whatever the joke is, “synchronized swimming” always works as the punchline.
MelissaSummers Feeling a little like snow white with all this wild life around. I hope the chipmunks make me a new dress.
amalah 12 whole minutes of no Internet = 12 minutes of WHITE-KNUCKLED TERROR AND PANIC. [YES.]
amalah Things Nobody Tells You About Potty-Training: I CANNOT stop pinching my kid’s 2T-sized jockey-shorted absolutely adorable butt. Sorry, baby. [YES YES YES.]
amalah Twitter APB: MISSING: One Pinky Dinky Doo doll. Last seen with: Mother’s Sanity & All Hope Of Getting A Nap Today.
zuhl It will require all my mutant ninja skills to survive today. What? I don’t have mutant ninja skills? Are we sure about that? Well, hell.
papernapkin So happy my hour of exertion is over. It makes me appreciate sitting on my ass that much more. That’s the bright side.
papernapkin “If I repeat today’s actions 365 times, will I be where I want to be a year from now?”