Oh, yes, there’s more. Continuing from part one.
papernapkin Someone has sprinkled narcolepsy powder on my recliner.
twhitney yelling at grumpy daughter, “NO ONE LIKES A PARTY POOPER!” second grumpy daughter yells “YEA WE DONT LIKE POOP PARTIES!”
zuhl Resolved: George Lucas gets no more of my money until he has someone on staff hired to say, “Mr. Lucas, that’s a DUMB idea. Rewrite that.” [AMEN, my brother.]
czdesign Twitter Haiku: Lays Potato Chips…I know food is not love, but…will you marry me?
hotdogsladies First, I have a wife, not a girlfriend. Second, I could hardly be more grateful that she is not, as you say, “a freak” like you.
mrskennedy Jack: “What’s good here?” Waitress: “Nothing.” Jack: “I love this place.”
zuhl Gathering receipts for expense report. Fashioning them into a little hat, adding floral accents. Accounting person will like that, I’m sure.
finslippy I despise the inevitability of dinner.
zuhl Her: What you said about choking down an uncooked goat rather than use Adobe Illustrator? Yuck! Me: Obviously, you’ve never used Illustrator
hotdogsladies I sincerely hope that the people to whom I owe email responses never self-organize in a town where torches and pitchforks are plentiful.
mrskennedy Just refused to make my son and his friends peanut butter sandwiches. Get your own mom to make you a half-assed dinner!
papernapkin I haven’t packed a single freakin box. I think I have box-packing phobia. I hope there’s a Latin term for it, so I can feel justified.
zuhl reading anything on WebMD for more than 5 minutes scares the living daylights out of me. I HAVE ALL THE DISEASES IN THE WORLD.
papernapkin I feel weepy @ the thought of making dinner and doing laundry. Then I feel awful b/c even a life of 21st century ease is too tough for me.
papernapkin re: Go Diego Go. What kind of mom lets her kid travel alone through the Amazon by zip line? I wanna party with her.
papernapkin Sun doesn’t rise until 7:50. Nice cushy job ya got there, think the world revolves around you.
papernapkin Thank God that’s over. Why can’t I love to exercise as much as I love to eat, and hate to eat as much as I hate to exercise? Fix that, okay?
papernapkin Hate to order take out on Monday. It sets a bad precedent. It says to the week, “Go on, wreak havoc, I can’t do a damn thing to stop you.”
papernapkin Just changed the fish bowl. I’m changing my fish’s name to Rasputin. No ordinary fish could’ve survived that water. [Ha! Hahahahahahahahahaha….]
finslippy Henry: “Everyone likes chocolate.” Me: “Well, some people don’t.” Henry: “Some people are nitwits.”