Category Archives: amusing

NaBloPoMo 09: Quoted, edition 1

Actually, these are from last year. And yet they are still funny! So here you are.

From a recipe for Praline Sweet Potato Pie:

It does contain a fair amount of butter and sugar, but that is clearly canceled out by the inclusion of vitamin-rich sweet potatoes and antioxidant-loaded pecans. IT’S SIMPLE SCIENCE, PEOPLE. I DON’T MAKE THE RULES.

From a really old entry, but so funny:

Strange creatures, teenage girls. One minute they’re all “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy… look at THIS!” like they’re still three years old and in the next breath their eyes are rolled so far back in their heads you’re wondering if you should get them medical attention.
Y’know, if I ever *do* call for a medic, I think I’ll see if they can surgically remove that phone from her head while they’re here.

From amalah, on cooking Thanksgiving dinner at home:

Although I dunno. I’m pretty tired; couldn’t I just skip the cooking part and just eat sticks of butter directly out of the package?

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candy mountain, charlie! candy mountain!

How had I never seen this before? I don’t know, but it’s REALLY FRIGGIN FUNNY, especially at 1 in the morning, with your siblings.

Magical leopluridons and a bridge of hope and wonder.
Shun the non-believer! Shhhhhhh-uuuuuu-nnnuh.

twitter highlights, part 2

Oh, yes, there’s more. Continuing from part one.

***

papernapkin Someone has sprinkled narcolepsy powder on my recliner.

twhitney yelling at grumpy daughter, “NO ONE LIKES A PARTY POOPER!” second grumpy daughter yells “YEA WE DONT LIKE POOP PARTIES!”

zuhl Resolved: George Lucas gets no more of my money until he has someone on staff hired to say, “Mr. Lucas, that’s a DUMB idea. Rewrite that.” [AMEN, my brother.]

czdesign Twitter Haiku: Lays Potato Chips…I know food is not love, but…will you marry me?

hotdogsladies First, I have a wife, not a girlfriend. Second, I could hardly be more grateful that she is not, as you say, “a freak” like you.

mrskennedy Jack: “What’s good here?” Waitress: “Nothing.” Jack: “I love this place.”

zuhl Gathering receipts for expense report. Fashioning them into a little hat, adding floral accents. Accounting person will like that, I’m sure.

finslippy I despise the inevitability of dinner.

zuhl Her: What you said about choking down an uncooked goat rather than use Adobe Illustrator? Yuck! Me: Obviously, you’ve never used Illustrator

hotdogsladies I sincerely hope that the people to whom I owe email responses never self-organize in a town where torches and pitchforks are plentiful.

mrskennedy Just refused to make my son and his friends peanut butter sandwiches. Get your own mom to make you a half-assed dinner!

papernapkin I haven’t packed a single freakin box. I think I have box-packing phobia. I hope there’s a Latin term for it, so I can feel justified.

zuhl reading anything on WebMD for more than 5 minutes scares the living daylights out of me. I HAVE ALL THE DISEASES IN THE WORLD.

papernapkin I feel weepy @ the thought of making dinner and doing laundry. Then I feel awful b/c even a life of 21st century ease is too tough for me.

papernapkin re: Go Diego Go. What kind of mom lets her kid travel alone through the Amazon by zip line? I wanna party with her.

papernapkin Sun doesn’t rise until 7:50. Nice cushy job ya got there, think the world revolves around you.

papernapkin @megfowler: Are you on the Dread Pirate Robert’s ship? [in response to a twitter that says: “i’ll most likely die before morning”]

papernapkin Thank God that’s over. Why can’t I love to exercise as much as I love to eat, and hate to eat as much as I hate to exercise? Fix that, okay?

papernapkin Hate to order take out on Monday. It sets a bad precedent. It says to the week, “Go on, wreak havoc, I can’t do a damn thing to stop you.”

papernapkin Just changed the fish bowl. I’m changing my fish’s name to Rasputin. No ordinary fish could’ve survived that water. [Ha! Hahahahahahahahahaha….]

papernapkin @SusanW: It’s bedtime SOMEWHERE, widen your children’s cultural frame of reference by exposing them to the time zones of different countries

finslippy Henry: “Everyone likes chocolate.” Me: “Well, some people don’t.” Henry: “Some people are nitwits.”

twitter highlights, part 1

I knew there was a reason I favorited all these. Awesomeness, that’s the reason. I either agree with these strenuously, or else just find them hilarious.

***

papernapkin loving this burrito. Whoever invented burritos should be sainted, or get food royalties or something.

loresjoberg There should be a word for the urge to post song lyrics to Twitter.

matthewbaldwin According to this Instant Win Scratch Ticket, a bottle of water is now a “prize”. What kind of crazy Frank Herbert world are we living in?

mrskennedy Me: “Jackson, you need to do your homework.” Jackson: “I can’t hear you, you’re breaking up.” This is funny because HE WASN’T ON A PHONE.

papernapkin Suddenly there came a tapping, as of someone gently rapping, rapping at my door. Twas a peddler of periodicals, and quoth I, nevermore.

loresjoberg “Watching” debates via Twitter is like viewing an eclipse with a pinhole camera: It lacks immediacy, but prevents permanent nerve damage.

finslippy Turns out that if you eat a burrito, you should wait to get on a treadmill for at least forever.

finslippy I would take a grapefruit spoon to my brains right now if I knew I could scoop out the chunk that contained the Scooby-Doo theme song.

MelissaSummers Being a morning person would make me more annoying but would make my life 75% easier.

loresjoberg Seems to me the word “caffeine” should have more double letters in it, if only to replicate its effect. Triple letters, even.

zuhl I asked the 14 yr old why he’s taking Ballroom Dance instead of normal P.E. “It’s better. It’s fun. And… chicks.” He may be an evil genius.

czdesign It’s funny how hormones can make you feel like finding an giant, lidded box in your basement in which you can spend the next several hours.

HalfPintIngalls I know my doll isn’t really a doll, just a corn cob wrapped in a handkerchief. So why won’t it STOP STARING AT ME?

youngamerican How long can I live on Cheez-its alone? On day four, having some really powerful experiences. The Cheez Coyote is very wise.

echuckles whatever the joke is, “synchronized swimming” always works as the punchline.

MelissaSummers Feeling a little like snow white with all this wild life around. I hope the chipmunks make me a new dress.

amalah 12 whole minutes of no Internet = 12 minutes of WHITE-KNUCKLED TERROR AND PANIC. [YES.]

amalah Things Nobody Tells You About Potty-Training: I CANNOT stop pinching my kid’s 2T-sized jockey-shorted absolutely adorable butt. Sorry, baby. [YES YES YES.]

amalah Twitter APB: MISSING: One Pinky Dinky Doo doll. Last seen with: Mother’s Sanity & All Hope Of Getting A Nap Today.

zuhl It will require all my mutant ninja skills to survive today. What? I don’t have mutant ninja skills? Are we sure about that? Well, hell.

papernapkin So happy my hour of exertion is over. It makes me appreciate sitting on my ass that much more. That’s the bright side.

papernapkin “If I repeat today’s actions 365 times, will I be where I want to be a year from now?”

John Williams IS the man.

I love a cappella. The funniest part is: no Imperial March or other actual Star Wars music. High-larious.

spaiku, part 2

Remember spaiku?

Throbbing headache makes
me fear: impending illness?
Probably not – just needing some sleep. I hope. 

I am so tempted to just write spaiku for the whole rest of the month….

Share your spaiku in the comments! (5 syllables, 7 syllables, then whatever!)

technical difficulties…

… prevent me from putting up the Halloween photos that I wanted to – I’m just hoping I can get this one up. So today – just a few links to funny videos, mostly courtesy of my brother.

Magic Pants

Selma Blair is magical!

“This band is rocking way too hard!”

My brother says if he were the groom he would’ve jumped in after. Assuming it’s real of course.

I worry about these guys (though I see one of them get up right away). However, it is true that every moment of human error should be accompanied by classical music.

“I told you to stay away from my magic frame!” This here (a literal version of the Take On Me music video) is definitely the funniest thing I saw all last month. (Also the dude sings more than adequately.)

Enjoy.